You Wouldn't Believe Me If I Told You

Almost a month ago Ed Murray, Tim Warner, Jon Clarke, Mike Drucker and I decided that we've seen a lot of shitty comedy all over New York City and beyond. We've seen a lot of good comedy too, but a-fuck LOT of bad comedy. They're everywhere. Open mics, alternative rooms, comedy clubs, and little cafes and coffeehouses. Bad comics or just unpolished, unprepared, understated comics are all over this city. So we said, "Fuck this. One day, just one day soon, we're going to the best comedy club in town. The one that has the best booked room and won't just put up any old fucker even though he's got a friend in the club, a famous last name or a solid brown nose. We're going to the Comedy Cellar."

If you've never been to the Comedy Cellar you should really go. As a man well versed in his stand-up comedy in all its avenues (comedy clubs, open mics, myspace, youtube, rooftop comedy, barker shows, colleges, and those little cafes and coffeehouses) I recommend going to any show, but the Cellar is particularly special. It's right under the Olive Tree Cafe and is located in the heart of the village on West 3rd and Bleeker and books some the best talent New York has to offer and since New York is where all the best talent lives they really get the best talent in the world. It's a wide variety of comics, but they're all fucking brilliant. There are therefore two major consequences of that. Since the talent is spectacular the crowds that come know fucking comedy and they know that the comics are going to be great. So their standards are high meaning that when you're bad you're BAD and when you're good you get TONS of appreciation. Number two is that since the crowds are great and the comics are great other great comics drop in unannounced all the time. If you've seen the movie "Comedian" you'll know that Jerry Seinfeld heads over to the Comedy Cellar all the time.

We picked Wednesday, December 6th for the sole reason that it's a weeknight and we'd be able to see great comics trying out new material. There actually aren't a ton of places to really catch that in the city. At least not all at once. Another beautiful thing is that the Cellar does two shows a night and for the price of one admission you're welcome to stay for both shows. So that's at least four hours of comedy for a $10.00 cover charge. The line-up for the night we picked was hosted by Marina Franklin (Last Comic Standing), Julian McCullough (Comedy Central), Lenny Marcus (MTV), Ronnie Garcia (The Late Show), Gary Gulman (Tourgasm, The Late Show, The Tonight Show, Last Comic Standing), Gregg Rogell (The Aristocrats, Conan O'Brien, Tough Crowd, and The Tonight Show) and Keith Robinson (Tough Crowd, HBO) for the first show. Then Marina hosting again, Jessica Kirson (The Tonight Show, Carson Daly, Last Comic Standing, VH1, Bravo, Premium Blend), Pete Correale (The Tonight Show), Sherrod Small (Best Week Ever, Tough Crowd, Showtime at the Apollo), Jim Florentine (Crank Yankers, Tough Crowd, Howard Stern, MTV), Dan Naturman (Last Comic Standing, Jimmy Kimmil Live, The Late Show), Dave Attell (Insomniac, The Late Show, Tough Crowd) and Ardie Fuqua (Tough Crowd) for the second. That's a pretty damn good show.

It starts out with Marina Franklin going up. I thought she was great on Last Comic Standing. She didn't get into the house and I remember thinking she got totally ripped off. I saw her last February at The Comic Strip with a few friends when they came up from Philly and she was the best of the night in my opinion. She did a bunch of crowd work up front with a few jokes mixed in and the crowd was rolling, picking up steam. We liked her unanimously.

After that was Julian McCullough who was very funny. He also did a bunch of crowd work with some jokes in there for good measure. His wasn't warming up crowd work though. It was just free flowing. He called back to other bits or laugh lines a bunch of times. I'd never seen him before, but I'd love to see him again.

Next was Lenny Marcus. Lenny started off slow and wasn't loving the crowd. The crowd was loving him though. He's a very cynical guuy, which is one thing to love about him. I did a quick one nighter on Saturday where he headlined at a Temple in Long Island. He was great and has a CD that you should pick up called You're Getting a Zero. You could really tell how self-loathing all these guys are, but Lenny especially. Beautiful in its way.

I was dying to see this guy and when we saw him in th room we were crossing our fingers he was going up. Guess who dropped in: Jim Norton. If you've ever watched Tough Crowd, listened to Opie and Anthony or been to the Adult Film Awards you've seen little Jimmy Norton. The most vile, filthy human being on the face of the planet. His first joke had him fucking a tranny. His last bit was about a girl squirting in his face and went on for five minutes. He was really great. I guess he was working on something, but I had never heard any of it before and a lot of it was really fucking good. The crowd wasn't even coming along with him on some stuff, but he really got them with just a little interaction and then it was back to just straight jokes. Awesome.

Followed by Gary Gulman who just had a special on Comedy Central called "A Boyish Man" and I hear he's got an HBO special coming out too. I've heard a lot of things about him too. I've heard he's kind of a dick. I've heard he isn't that funny live. I've heard he's too energetic. He was awesome. The crowd loved Norton and Gulman got on stage by saying, "You guys really like the last guy, but just remember, I didn't make him leave. He did a bunch of Mel Gibson stuff and then went into a bunch of Jewish stuff, and then a bunch of Jewish invention material, and into jokes about Christmas versus Chanukah and closed on a three minute bit about the song The Twelves Days of Christmas. At one point in his set he does an impression of Hitler and then he said, "That's just what Hitler sounded like. He sounds like Peter Sellers playing Dr. Strangelove." The five of us were the only people who got it and we loved it. We applauded for a full thirty seconds and after his set Gary came over and shook our hands. Good guy.

Gregg Rogell, who has one of my favorite styles of delivery, was on after Gary and had a really solid set. He's kind of like a darker Matthew Broderick. I guess he was practicing for something, because he kept mentioning something about order. His writing is so technical and quick too. Really great stuff. I've seen him before and he is just so smooth. Once a guy dropped a beer bottle and it shattered. Without missing a beat Gregg goes, "A Jewish couple just got married," and then goes into all his Jewish material. Great act, Gregg Rogell.

To close out the first show was Keith Robinson. Keith is nuts and I've seen him before too. He really goes all out. Crowd work, ad libbing, material. It's all there. He went long too, but damned if I remember it. I remember that I was laughing.

Then there was a short intermission for whoever wanted to leave or come in. The second show (half) started around 11:10. marnina did a little bit of crowd work, recognized us and two other tables, and brought up the first comic.

The first comic was Jessica Kirson and right now I've got to sidetrack a bit. First of Jessica has always been a very nice person whenever I've seen her. I've met her a few times now and once when she was practicing for the Tonight Show. When she walked into the room she recognized Mike and then a few more of us. Asked us how were and chatted for a bit. THEN she asked if we'd paid our cover yet and got three of our five covers comped because we were comics. And then she said, "Sorry, I only got three comped. They're cheap here." Then she shot the shit with us a little more before going over her set list and walking on stage. I love her. THEN she CRUSHED! I was dying. Best set of the night so far and her entire fifteen minutes was gold. She would turn to the back wall and speak like an inner thought, but fuck all those were directed right at the five of us. We were given her an applause break, she turns and says, "Don't applaud, it'll never fill the hole." She was a ball of energy and sharp wit, man. Fucking brilliant. She'd start some crowd work and then turn into a joke before anyone could answer. "I don't have left-overs! Where are you from? I hate birthdays." Fantastic. One of the top three highlights of the night, definitely.

Second was Pete Correalle who'd I'd never seen before. Smart guy, real funny and he had some really good jokes, but Jessica was a damn hard act to follow. But he had us going a lot. if Pete's on stage, stay in the room, dude.

Next was Sherrod Small who was also really funny, but to me he was a little like a poor man's Keith Robinson. He would start to lose the crowd at some points, but he would always get them back. Nothing he said was really that new though. It felt like he hadn't written a new joke in a long time, but he was definitely fucking funny. I've seen him before and he's got a great attitude up there. Just fun loving and shit. It's really cool to witness.

After Sherrod was Dan Naturman who'd I'd never seen live before, but I've seen him on TV a bunch. He's a great joke writer, kind of in the same vein as Gregg Rogell. Somewhat dark, but with quick and fun delivery. Very Jewy if we're going to get into details. He's got one of my all time favorite bits about owning a calculator watch, but he didn't do it. Sadness. But he did a ton of other great bits I hadn't heard before.

I was really looking forward to seeing Jim Florentine who went up next, but I didn't love him. He had some really funny jokes and some jokes that felt really long. Maybe it was new, but I don't know. He was a cool guy though. You could tell he was smart, but I'd heard so many crazy great things about him and he didn't live up to his reputation. Whatever, there's always next time and it wasn't like he was anywhere near bad.

Second drop in of the night was after Jim and that was Shawn Wayans. Yes, of the Wayans brothers. No, not Damon. No, not Marlon either. The one who's always around with Marlon. No, not Damon. No, not Keenan. Shawn. Thhe Harpo Marx of the Wayans Brothers. He was very funny, but I'd definitely say he lost me. The last ten minutes of his set was a lot of different dance stories and moves that I thought was just all act out. What's he, a clown? He did have some really great stuff though. A girl telling him "I want a sponsor!" was priceless.

I did kind of just want Shawn off stage so I could see the next guy. Basically the guy I came to fucking see. Dave Attell! Oh, man, he's the shit. One of the best joke writers in the business. And none of it is safe. And I hadn't even heard one joke that he told tonight. I think a ton of it was new and yet he didn't look at his notes once while he was on stage. Absolutely incredible. I wouldn't say he killed, but damn did he have these people. It was hard to top.

Dave Chappelle. He lives in Yellow Springs, Ohio and was in New York City for a few days and he came to the Comedy Cellar and ended up doing forty minutes off the top of his fucking head. He did a bunch of Michael Richards stuff and Jesse Jackson stuff all while smoking a cigarette mind you. Indoors, how taboo. Then he just blurted out, "What do you want to talk about? I don't have any material." It was crazy. He's KILLING and doesn't have ANY written jokes. Halfway through his set he looked at a notebook, says, "These all suck," and goes back to just talking about stuff. He talked about Michael Richards and Jesse Jackson. "Jesse wants to ban the n-word. You don't need to do that. Why don't we ban people treating us like n*ggers? Fuck it, banning the word's easier." He talked about Britney Spears' pussy, Dick Cheney's daughter, a man raping his mother (and it was funny too), Chappelle's Show, his career, fame, being unemployed, traveling the world, Dubai, and even the Rocky Mountain National Park. It was fucking fantastic. One of the best things I've ever seen in my entire life. He's so quick witted and fun. Telling stories like they're jokes. He started talking about The Cosmic Joke and gave some brilliant examples too. He's definitely transcending the art form and is bringing it all around. He makes everyone look like an amatuer. And then he left and then tried to end the show.

But no, the crowd was still amped and even though he got MAJORLY bumped, Ardie Fuqua went on stage last. A bunch of people left after Chappelle, but Ardie did awesome too. We were still hyped, but he was funny. Just doing crowd work and free feeling it. He did about seven minutes and then said good night and everyone left.

It was a motherfucking great night. Marina Franklin, Julian McCullough, Lenny Marcus, JIM NORTON, GARY GULMAN, GREGG ROGELL, Keith Robinson, JESSICA KIRSON, Pete Correalle, Sherrod Small, Dan Naturman, Jim Florentine, Shawn Wayans, DAVE ATTELL, DAVE CHAPPELLE, and Ardie Fuqua. That's something special.